Today I experienced the worst moment in my life, and I am in desperate need of a solution, so I'll share it with the community :)

Aw I'm sorry that happened to you I've experienced something like that, the freezing up and crying reminds me of my own anxiety attacks, it could have been your nerves as well, they can get to you really bad. I took dance in my first year of high school, and we had to choreograph a dance and present it to the class, the day of the performance, I danced really badly and ran off the stage crying, I felt really embarrassed and ashamed of myself for not being able to perform, but my anxiety and nerves were so bad, my mind just went blank. So I know how hard it is to dance in front of others especially when you don't want to.

If you want to continue going, you should, but don't push yourself to if you feel your not ready yet, How I got over my anxiety of dancing in front of others was to pretend I was a celebrity (yes lol) performing in front of a bunch of fans. It sounds kind of stupid, but it did help me take my mind off things, and also not looking at others when I danced, I just stared at myself in the mirror every time in class which helped me get over my fear.

Quote from Catgirl

The celebrity one is actually quite smart, because if you perform in front if your fans, they're literally your fans and love what you do. The mirror one sounds a little hard because I also have to look at the teacher to get the steps right, but I also noticed that I look at others too much and then compare them to myself (There was this very skinny girl, and she reminded me of Wonyoung so much, I was kinda intimidated by how elegant she looked, and also by the fact that I wasn't as skinny as her)

But thank you for sharing your high school experience with me, that moment must've been awful. It's actually so embarrassing to mess up if all eyes are on you.

Yes, It was very embarrassing, but eventually, I got over it with time. I try not to compare myself to others, but it is very hard. I think it's something we all have to work on individually because we're all different. The one way I learned to stop comparing myself to others was to realize I was wasting too much time thinking about what I don't have, and not what I do have already. But I can't lie, it took me a long time to accept myself, especially when I wanted to look pretty, skinny, and perfect all the time.

Quote from Catgirl

Through K-Pop, I got into Hip Hop dancing. I started learning Hip-Hop choreographies from YouTube and also learned how to freestyle. However, I've always wanted to take dance classes. So today, it was my first time going to an actual professional Hip-Hop dance class. I've never been to a dance studio before and most importantly, I have never danced or tried dancing in front of professional dancers or just people that are very good. It's embarrassing for me to dance in front of anyone, actually my whole existence is embarrassing.

If I am dancing alone at home, I'd say I'm actually kinda good. K-Pop helped me to create kind of a "dance-persona", like, a character I become when I'm dancing. I started imagining that that's how Idols do it, so I tried it myself, and it works extremely well. It adds a lot of charisma to dancing and performing (Idk why I am talking abt this, let's get back to the topic lol). Anyways, even though I would call myself somewhat of a good dancer, and I know it, I just have no confidence in myself. In general, I lack confidence. I am good at talking in front of large groups of people or meet strangers, but I still lack confidence in everything else.

So I went to that dance studio and watched the first team perform and it LOOKED SO AMAZING I SWEAR. Then, the class I'd attend started, and I quickly introduced myself to the teacher. At the beginning, I was feeling happy bc it was so cool, like a dream come true, but when I realised that I am actually going to dance while there is someone else watching me, or just with me... Suddenly, I started shaking and I felt really really cold. It got worse and worse but I tried my best to ignore it. Then, the dance class started. The teacher showed us some footwork we should do (and footwork is something I'd consider a strength of mine), and in that exact moment, I just froze. I couldn't move my body AT ALL, I just stood there and started to tear up, at some point, I moved away from my spot and went into a corner, and then sat down and watched the whole lesson. The whole hour, I tried to hold back my tears but it didn't work that well. I was also still shaking all the time and felt like throwing up. The worst thing is, my mind told me something like "You're such a weak loser, why are you behaving like this" and I was like "Come on, stay positive pls" and my mind was like "Because you can't handle my negativity? You're such a weak failure". So yea, it was awful.

The worst thing is, after I got home, I put on some music and did the most amazing freestyle I've ever done. I also tried some of the choreo I remembered from the lesson and I understood the footwork immediately. It worked perfectly fine.

BUT WHYYYYYYYYYY I even recorded myself and it was okay WHY DID THIS HAPPEN WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

Should I go there next week again? I really want to. Do you have any ideas on how to solve this problem? Have you ever experienced something like this?

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I am afraid you overestimated kpop fans' abilities to read so many characters without a single image between them

Quote from Catgirl

Through K-Pop, I got into Hip Hop dancing. I started learning Hip-Hop choreographies from YouTube and also learned how to freestyle. However, I've always wanted to take dance classes. So today, it was my first time going to an actual professional Hip-Hop dance class. I've never been to a dance studio before and most importantly, I have never danced or tried dancing in front of professional dancers or just people that are very good. It's embarrassing for me to dance in front of anyone, actually my whole existence is embarrassing.

If I am dancing alone at home, I'd say I'm actually kinda good. K-Pop helped me to create kind of a "dance-persona", like, a character I become when I'm dancing. I started imagining that that's how Idols do it, so I tried it myself, and it works extremely well. It adds a lot of charisma to dancing and performing (Idk why I am talking abt this, let's get back to the topic lol). Anyways, even though I would call myself somewhat of a good dancer, and I know it, I just have no confidence in myself. In general, I lack confidence. I am good at talking in front of large groups of people or meet strangers, but I still lack confidence in everything else.

So I went to that dance studio and watched the first team perform and it LOOKED SO AMAZING I SWEAR. Then, the class I'd attend started, and I quickly introduced myself to the teacher. At the beginning, I was feeling happy bc it was so cool, like a dream come true, but when I realised that I am actually going to dance while there is someone else watching me, or just with me... Suddenly, I started shaking and I felt really really cold. It got worse and worse but I tried my best to ignore it. Then, the dance class started. The teacher showed us some footwork we should do (and footwork is something I'd consider a strength of mine), and in that exact moment, I just froze. I couldn't move my body AT ALL, I just stood there and started to tear up, at some point, I moved away from my spot and went into a corner, and then sat down and watched the whole lesson. The whole hour, I tried to hold back my tears but it didn't work that well. I was also still shaking all the time and felt like throwing up. The worst thing is, my mind told me something like "You're such a weak loser, why are you behaving like this" and I was like "Come on, stay positive pls" and my mind was like "Because you can't handle my negativity? You're such a weak failure". So yea, it was awful.

The worst thing is, after I got home, I put on some music and did the most amazing freestyle I've ever done. I also tried some of the choreo I remembered from the lesson and I understood the footwork immediately. It worked perfectly fine.

BUT WHYYYYYYYYYY I even recorded myself and it was okay WHY DID THIS HAPPEN WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME

Should I go there next week again? I really want to. Do you have any ideas on how to solve this problem? Have you ever experienced something like this?

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I would try again. You will probably struggle again next time and may many times after that. It's completely normal to have anxiety or fear about something, or to fail a bunch.

From life experience, when I'm doing something that other people think I'm good or they find impressive. It is usually something that I failed and struggled at a bunch but that I did not give up on and continued with. People just see the results or success, not the journey with its hard work and countless setbacks etc.

With some things fear, or anxiety does not go away. Other people can't hear the doubts and worries in our heads. In a way we are often our own worst critics. With some things no matter how good I become that fear and doubt is as strong as it was when I first started. You just do it anyways, the fear and anxiety can sometimes become your strength because of the adrenaline it can give you.

It would not surprise me for example if some of the best singers or public speakers etc still have stage fright.

You are going to have to face it and do it anyways. Will you still be afraid, yes. Will you still be anxious, yes. Will you still freeze up sometimes, yes. But all of that is okay, its natural and even those of us who look perfect when doing something are going through this.

Also, you answered your own question. You said you really wanted to go there next week. So do it, going their again next week is 99% of the battle anyways.

Quote from alexS

from my experience I can tell you it happens way more often than you think.

To even the most experienced dancers. Starting is always hard.

Just keep doing it, eventually your brain will start thinking about the fun times you'll have after.

Honestly, this isn't just with dancing. I think this is true for most things in life. You put what I wrote in my mini essay into a much better digestible form haha.

Keep going Catgirl, dance is hard because it's so expressive and you really do have to put yourself out there. It's more work than fun when you start out because of the crowds and the sudden amount of visibility you have. But trust me, it gets much much much more, you just have to keep giving yourself the chance to NOT be good for a short amount of time