Do you lash out when you are mad or do you hold it in?

  • AllKill VIP

    I don't normally asked for any advice on the internet but it's been going on and on and on and I am not at peace with this problem ever since. So I have this friend who is very special to me. They keep doing things that makes me trigger my anger, or say some stuff that makes me angry. I didnt know that they are just saying those stuff cuz they miss me. So in the end, it's my fault for not truly knowing what they feel. I end up lashing out at my anger cuz to me it's toxic, cuz to me i feel like they trying to find faults in my actions, without knowing they are just doing it cuz they misses me. I said awful stuff to them that I regret. I don't know what to do, I keep hurting them and feels like it's my fault for lashing out my anger. :(


    What should I do?

    I SAY FUCK IT WHEN I FEEL IT CUZ NO ONE KEEP ON TALLY I DO WHAT I WANT WITH WHO I LIKE

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    I understand you. I used to do this, and I still do sometimes. But I don’t get angry, I just shut down and isolate. I think the most helpful solution to fix these sorts of dilemmas is communication. I know having a conversation about what’s going on may sound intimidating, but trust me, it can heal and mend. Try telling your friend about how the things they are saying is making you feel. Maybe you guys can work out a healthy plan to avoid things being said that could affect either of you in a negative way. Also, when you do get angry, just try to reframe from texting them for a little while. Just to give yourself some time to cool off. I hope this helps you. And know that you’re not alone :finger-heart: <3

    ₊˚ʚ 𓆩♡𓆪𝓘 𝓴𝓷𝓸𝔀 𝓱𝓸𝔀 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓪𝓴𝓮 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓭𝓮𝓿𝓲𝓵 𝓬𝓻𝔂, 𝓫𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴 𝓱𝓲𝓶 𝓭𝓸𝔀𝓷 𝓵𝓸𝓸𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝓲𝓷 𝓶𝔂 𝓮𝔂𝓮𝓼𓆩♡𓆪₊˚ʚ

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    if you feel bad about it then try to apologize and start over. if you have trouble staying relaxed then just remind yourself that most arguments are pointless and not worth getting upset over

  • AllKill VIP

    Communication is always key. If you notice a problem or something isn't normal, reach out to them and try to find out what's going on. There could be something deeper going on or it could be nothing at all. I think it's always best to put pride aside and be the first to reach out and simply say hey "i noticed things are off, are you okay?" maybe having done that they would have told you they were just doing things to get your attention because they missed talking to you. And than from there you could have worked things out to where you could be more available to chat with them/do things with them. Communication is a big factor in solving everything, just some would rather go be jerks and cause drama and ghost people instead of simply being an adult and saying, hey this bothers me, hey this is what's going on, hey i miss you. etc.


    Instead of getting angry when this happens to you again, I think you should take a deep breath and just reach out to the person to find out why things aren't how they normally are or why they are doing something, that way you don't feel bad, possibly lose a friendship due to anger, or say things you may regret later. Hopefully this made sense! When a friend does something that pisses me off I may be angry but after a few days i try to explain to them why i'm upset or why something they did bothered me, and hopefully we can work things out from there. Good friends can usually fix things big or small. People who really aren't your friends just walk away from you.


    Hopefully you are able to apologize and mend the hurt words and are able to continue having a good friendship.

    oh. this one is hard. i don't lash out often with friends, but if i do its because its my last staw and that's when i know i never want to talk to them again... typically if im upset and about to get angry (because i actually do have pretty bad anger management) i try to leave the situation for a few hours/days and come back to it when im thinking straight. it often helps me clear up my thoughts and talk properly.


    i think i'd say is to give them space for a few days to calm down, firstly, both you and them. and if its been some time already then i suggest approaching them slowly, if they seem to have softened then i would definitely explain to them why i lashed out and try to explain your feelings to them. but make sure you're not invalidating their feelings either, you should always acknowledge their feelings and hear them out too. if they're willing to talk about why they were doing the things that caused you to lash out then i think that you guys can definitely reach a resolution.


    i think if you did say some mean things and they still forgive you, then you just be cautious with them, because its likely that'll it'll take them some time to earn that trust back, you know? just give them the attention they need and treat them with love, and im sure everything will be okay <3

    Your friend shouldn't be communicating to you that he misses you through things that anger and trigger u. thats messed up.

    You should definitly communicate how u feel about what they are saying and tell them they need to express their feelings more clearly. Cause it sounds like its just gonna escalate into a whole thing. And also tell them that its okay for them to feel angry that you're not around more and that you are sorry about that ( idk all the nuances of why they might feel that way ). :pepe-shrug:

    I'm the type of person to bottle everything up inside me until I eventually explode,and once that happens I immediately feel like crap,regardless of whether I was right or wrong.


    As far as your situation goes,seems to me like a nice open conversation is in place?Communication truly is key.

    communication

    communication

    communication


    just sit down and have a conversation face to face (vastly preferable to non face to face communication) and sort through the details

    I always try to talk about problems.

    But if somebody refuses to listen and we keep having the same discussion over and over for months, I eventually do lash out. It's not even necessarily anger then but more due to being genuinely upset and at a loss.

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